I awake at 12:30, I'm meeting with Amy at 2 for coffee at the Starbucks on 57th and Broadway. I spend some time getting ready around the apartment. Joe is meeting with Ariel for lunch before she does some back to school shopping. I leave the apartment at 1:55 and see if i can reschedule for 2:30 with amy. She has no problem with it so I make my way for Starbucks. I take the 1 to 57th st from 72nd st station, get off and meet Amy. She is kind of awkward in a funny way with weird perspectives on things, i'm not physically attracted to her by any means, her face has kind an odd look to it, almost like you can pick out the features that she inherited from her mom and dad, but at the same time she still has a great sense of humor. We talk about mostly shows were into but the conversation flows, she get's into some weird things though, like how here family strongly beleives in ghosts. For me that usually sends off a huge trigger for crazy as fuck, but this time she had some valid points. She says she used to live in a haunted house as a child and would always be met by a ghost of an old man wearing a top hat, and how here grandmother met the ghost of her mother the night that she died... kind of off, but it was a nice coffee meet. We then parted ways, she wanted me to go to see Newsies on broadway (60$ a ticket, totally not down to watch actors flail themselves over a stage just to possibly prolonge things with this girl) but I am going to decline. I'd rather wait untill I meet someone more suitable for myself.
 
At 5:30 I have plans to meet with Uncle John for dinner. I get a call at 5:25 that his taxi has dropped him off at 75th and Amsterdam, I walk from 72nd street station to go and meet him. I almost didn't recognize him, but the second I do I go in for a hug, we hug, shake hands, then hug again. Uncle John was allot different than I expected him to be for some reason. Knowing dad, I thought he would be sort of off, but he turned out to be much different than I though. Right after meeting he ask's where we should eat, I suggest freddie's and we walk in, after a second Uncle John says, "No, No, lets go somewhere better". We walk out of freddie's and he says "let's go to the apple store first."
 
He takes me to the Apple store on 71st and broadway. We go in and he says "I want you to get a connector to import your photos from your camera to your Ipad", I was thrown back by how kind of an action it was. Uncle John really cared about my photography, I thanked him perfusly and we took off to find a restaurant. We ended up walking down Amsterdam then walking back up Amsterdam until we found "Citrus" a reastaurant located right at 75th and Amsterdam ironically. Joe treats me to dinner, starting with some appatizers, then some pasta as an entree. While eating he gets a photo of the two of us for his Tumblr page. We then finish eating and catching up a little, he asks me some questions about the modeling process and then takes me to Jaques Torres Cholate Shop for some Frozen Hot Chocolate and very deccadent pieces of chocolate. We then finished up and parted ways after walking down a couple blocks towards his subway, he tells me if I ever need anything hes right in New Jersey and only a call away, I thank him for the wonderful evening and we part ways. He says "Love You" right as we part from one another. It's really comforting to know I have family looking out for me here, and it was great seeing Uncle John again, it's been about 10 years. 

I then get back to the apartment to find that Joe has left to Conneticut for the weekend, he left me three roaches and I had a great night blazing and watching TV.

Overall a wonderful day full of reassurment that i'm looked out for. 

Goodnight for now Journal, we'll meet again tommorrow.

  






 
 
I awake at 10:30. I have to be in Queens in an hour for a creative. I'm freaking out but make it out the door by 11. I make it down to Queens by 11:28 for my shoot with "insert name here", the shoot is in a top floor studio of an apartment building. I brought an assortment of shirts and pants for the shoot that the photographer had asked me to bring before hand. We do black and white shots, he gets me to slick my hair back, and the photo's turn out great. I'm very excited to get them back. We finish after about an hour and then I take the subway to Times Square. I do some touristy shit for a bit, photographing the busy people of Times Square, the street performers, the con-men trying to get suseptable tourists to buy their overpriced shit. I then get a call from Christophe. He says I need to get another haircut, he saw the "Blue Angel" photo with Micheal Epps and thought my hair is dominating my face too much. I make my way to Issac's to get a haircut then head back to the agency to get new digitals done. Afterwards I grab some subway and head back to the apartment. I then chill for a  bit until Joe gets home. We hang out for a bit, he order's mexican for the two of us and then he shows me the I Ching. The prophecy book of the eastern philosophy. He got me to toss 3 coins 5 times and then handed me a section of the book that is most relevant to my life at the present time according to the coin tosses. It was uncanny how spot on the coins where. It brought me to the section of innocence. The one thing in life that I feel was robbed from me. It goes on to talk about not holding on to one that has caused you great pain, and to learn forgivness, because forgiveness is the only path to sanction. to hapiness. It then goes on to talk about creativity, the only gift in life I feel that I has came completely naturally. It tells me to embrace creativity. To constantly create unconditionally, to find my happiness from my desire to create. It was profound how relevant the section was to my life. It was much more than cercimstance. I feel I was ment to read that. That it was neccisary. That something in this universe brought me to reading this that was beyond my control. I found myself in a moment of clarity. Everything made sense at that moment. I cannot hold onto the pain my father has caused me, I must release the hate.

It really threw me back. I really needed it. Things have been caving in for awhile and reading that brought me great guidance.

I then went onto facebook. Amy, another model from Liz Bell out here on her own contacted me. She wanted to know if I wanted to get coffee tommorow. I said definately and we ended up having an hour conversation about our lives and aspirations. It was great. Stoked to have coffee with her tommorow.

My Uncle Bill and Jiles contacted me aswell. Uncle Bill is coming for pizza tommorow at freddies for 5:30 and i'm going to Jiless place Sunday for dinner. 

Overall a day of running around with a reassuring end. 

Goodnight for now Journal. Well meet again tommrow.


 
 
 
Today I awake at 10. I have a casting with Bullet Magazine at 11:30 for a "Romance Teaaser Video". When I got the email for the casting I was very curious as to what they would want us to do. I got ready, had some coffee and was out the door. I arrive at the casting at 11:20, I go up an elevator and enter at the offices of Bullet Magazine. The receptionist asks if i'm there for the casting, she points me to a couch to wait. I meet with Matt at bullet magazine, he gets me to fill out a form and then hand me a sheet explaining what they want. They are plainning to do a 5 location video with this blonde model making out with five different models at different locations in New York. I could'nt beleive what the guy just said to me. They want to actually pay male models for making out with a gorgeous blonde woman. I was awstruck. He got me to do a quick digital, as well as a short video saying my name, where i'm from, and what I look for in a girl.  I replied with "a good sense of personality and humor", a pretty weak answer, but I was put on the spot, so it was the best I could come up with. He then said were done and I was on my way. I came back to the apartment, wen't on the roof for a bit, then settled in for the night. A pretty cool day, excited to hear about that casting. Fingers crossed
 
 
Today I awake at 1:30pm after staying up until 4:30am on my computer. The nights here are lonley. It's not the experience I was expecting so far.
 
It doesn't help me and chelsea have been fighting. It's just so stupid. Our whole relationship has been an absurd power struggle. A never ending cycle of jealousy. It's so foolish. I regret never saying what I wanted to in the moment, and prolonging a dying relationship to this. I can't even process my feelings about her. I've always known me and chelsea were going to end but I never prepared for it emotionally. Being here alone has given me alot of time for reflection. I need to understand why I have such a problem with loss. I don't act rationally. I need to make better decisions forward. I need to find someone who respects my love. This just wasn't meant to be and it's time to finally accept that. Chelsea's not the person who I initially thought she would be, and I need to accept that shes not the person meant for me in this world. I should reflect upon our relationship in a sense of knowledge, always focusing on what I learned from my time spent with chelsea. I can't sit here and focus on the descions we both made to draw us further apart, I need to view it as exactly what it is.

Chelseas not ready for love, and neither am I. I need to leave it at that.

Anyways, now that i'm done with that. Since I had the day to myself I decided to go on a jog in central park. It was great to be in the fresh air. I ran myself ragged and ended up bruising my heels on the stones on the pathes. I came back to the apartment, worked on some photos on photobucket, cleaned the apartment, and picked up pizza from freddys. I then spent sundown on the roof writing. It was very peaceful and cleared my mind. I love New York rooftops. Theres such calming energy looking at a city from a different perspective. I then waited for Joe to get back, we blazed and had a deep conversation regarding a mans divine purpose on this earth, he shared with me that curiosity is key, and to never let yourself check out. Always be curious, always have a desire to learn more than you already know. We then went into couch coma mode and watched some TV. A simple and reflective day.

 
 
I awake at 10 to a spanish radio station. I make myself some coffee, take a shower and delete old photos from my facebook untill around 2. I have a casting with Calvin Klein at 3pm. I leave the apartment and take the 2 train from 72nd street to 14th st, then take the R train to Times Square. I get off the train and step out of the station to a very busy Times Square. Buisness men are rushing to their next meetings, tourists are taking photos of the billboards above, and I'm trying to find something to eat before I pass out. I get a hotdog from a vendor on a side street then make my way to 230 W7th avenue for my casting. I find 230, take the elevator to the 6th floor, and then am informed that the casitng had been moved around the block. I rush to the interview and wait in a white room to meet the casting agent. After about 20 minuites or so, a short black haired man ask's me to come in, on my way following him into the casting room he exclaims "ohh, your skinnnnnny." I say, "yeah... I am". He looks through my book and ask's some basic information about me, then  takes a couple of digitalls with my shirt off, then he say's "were done here" and i'm on my way. Probably one of the least enjoyable castings that iv'e went to, but it was still a good experience that I learned from. I then decided to take some shots of time square. I got lost on some side streets and went to the Apple store to use their wifi. I then get a e-mail from Liz saying I can pick up my allowance from the agency for the week. i rush to Houston and Brodway via the R train from 14th street and pick up my allowance. I then go to the Verizon store to try and figure out why my phone was running out of money. A very obnoxious jamacian woman over talks me in the most frustrating 3 minuite conversation i've ever encountered, I then leave the store and make my way for 72nd street station via the 2 train from Houston street. When I arrive at 72nd street station I deposit my allowance at the TD down the block, then make my way to the Verizon store at 75th street to figure out my phone. It turns out mom hadn't put an extra 50$ on in the first place and there was no problem in the first place. I then go to the Hummous Place and get the Hoummous platter take out for dinner. I get back to the apartment and Joe is back from his weekend in Conneticut. We smoke a couple of joints, watch some TV, then pass out. A perculiar day, but I learned from the casting experience that I need to put in a greater effort to excercise and appearance. Goodnight fo
 
 
I awake at 11am to the radio on my alarm. I'm glad I made the investment to purchase it because it actually wakes me up. I start getting ready for my shoot with Micheal Epps at 4. I clean the closet that my belonging are in here at Joe's, I let it get sort of unruly for the last 5 days and decided that it was time to deal with it. I do other random things around the appartment until 3pm then I head out the door for my shoot. I hop on the 79th street 1 train towards downtown. I get off on 14th street and take the L train towards Brooklyn. I get off at the N 7th street stop where Micheal said he would like to meet me, I walk up the exit from the subway and meet Micheal Epps, we start talking about both of our backgrounds until his make-up and hair assistant arrives. After waiting for about 5 minuites, Kim arrives, he apologizes for being late due to a late night at a fashion party, and introduces himself. We then take off for the first location. After walking for about 5 blocks we arrive at our first location, a large industrial building near the water. Micheal lets me know we will be shooting black and white portraits today and Kim starts on my hair and make-up. After shooting 10 or so shots at the location Micheal say's we got the shot and were off to our next location. We walk another 6 or so blocks when we arrive at a great run-down brick wall. Micheal says this is our second location and we shoot another 10 or 15 shots, Micheal one again say's we got the shot and take off for our third location. After walking 8 or so blocks, Micheal can't find the right spot to shoot, he say's "well walk another block or so, and if I can't find what i'm looking for well call it a wrap". We then walk another two blocks and are at the L train entrance. Micheal then is about to call it a wrap, but he spots a "pogo" ice cream truck parked on the side of the street, he decided he wanted this to be the third location and shoots another 10 or so photos. He then says "we got it" and thats that. Kim departs and I thank him for his time and say that it was great working with him. Micheal is coincidentally taking the L train aswell to get back home, so I ride it with him to 14th street and we part ways, I thank him for his time aswell and say it was a pleasure working with him. I then take the 1 back to 72nd street. I realize my stomach is yelling at me for not eating anything all day, so I stop at Freddie's to get his amazing pizza. I get the same tomato, mozzarella, bazil slice as I did last time, but this time decide to try the spinach and feta calzone. Sweet damn that was the best meal I've ever eaten. Every bite was better than the previous because I was so damn hungry. I then make my way back to Joe's. I realize i'm out of smokes so I get changed and head down the block to Dwayne Reed to grab some Marlboro Blacks and some dish detergent for the apartment. I then get back to Joe's and realize I have a night to kill. I decide to try to get onto the roof. On the fourth floor there is a ladder leading to a wooden hatch that I suspected to be locked. After realizing it was unlocked I grabbed my camera and headed up to shoot. It was such a great experience being on a New York rooftop. Seeing the city from a new perspective. I shot rustic texture shots and the buildings. I was up there so long that I was able to get some great night shots. I love the city at night. It has such a majestic feeling to it. So dangerous yet so calming at the same time. After I was done shooting I headed back to the apartment, checked up with mom, dad, and even facetime'd for an hour with eden. Which brings me to now. Sitting behid this dell laptop recording my life so these days don't fade into the distance. I have a casting with Calvin Klein that I should be getting to bed for. Goodnight my journal. We shall meet again tommorow.
 
 
Today was interesting. I awake at 3pm after staying up till 6am, once again a stupid decision on my behalf, but I make a promise to myself to find something to help me sleep at night. I decide to start my day off with a ham and cheese sandwich from Dunkin' Donuts. I maps the closest one and skate to it. I end up having to go to another two Dunkin' Donuts because apparently only one in every 5 serve meat.... c'mon America, I thought you had your shit more together than that. Anyways, after skating 30 blocks (75th street to 101st street) I finally find a Dunkin' Donuts that serves meat, and ironically it's the smallest one of the three I went to, weird. Anyways, I get my ham and cheese breakfast sandwich and a large Ice Coffee, and when I say large Ice Coffee, I don't mean some small ass starbucks sized "Venti", Im talking at the movies, gallon large size. I was very satisfies. After finishing my sandwich, I decide to go to central park. Conveiniently it was 3 blocks over from the Dunkin' Donuts, so I skated over and made my way in. I climbed a beautiful set of stairs that brought me to a concrete path that I was able to skate down. After finding a beautiful bench next to the lake in central park, I decide to sit down and try to write some lyrics. Something I haven't done in a while. It was very peaceful to flex that muscle again. I then walked down to the water near the lake and snapped some shots. After I had only taken a couple of photos, a woman walked next to me and started throwing bread for the ducks. Suddenly 20 or so ducks swarmed around this woman and I was able to snap a great action shot her feeding the birds. Dad then called me to see how I was doing, we talked for 5 minuites or so, then I headed back to the apartment. On my way back to the apartment I went camera crazy. There were some beautiful statues I photographed portraits of. Dusk was approaching and the light beautiful illuminated some walls, I photographed them and ended up taking another hour to get back to the apartment. I then had the rest of the left over pasta for dinner and decided to do the dishes and clean Joe's stove. I then headed to bed at 2:30am for my shoot with Micheal Epps at 3pm tommorow. A very chill day that I could have taken better advantage of, but I was still pleased with the photo's I got.  
 
 
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Day 4 in New York begins frantically once again. After staying up untill 4 in the morning watching CSI:NY, I awake at 11:40 after my IPhone and Cell phone alarms have failed to wake me up. I have a casting with Shahid & Company in 20 minuites and I've barely jumped out the shower and thrown my clothes on, I run out the door and get to 72nd street station, I forgot my metro card so I buy another one and swipe the turnstill, as I'm waiting for the 1 train, I realize i've forgot my book at the apartment. I sprint back and grab my book and run to the 1 train. I hop on the 1 train and made my way downtown. I miraculously make it to my casting 10 minuites late. It is a casting for Abercrombie & Fitch so i'm very happy I wasn't to late. I make a promise to myself that I wont let this happen again, and to ensure that promise I will buy myself an alarm clock. After the casting with Shahid & Company I have an hour to get to my casting with Daniel Kim. I get a bite to eat at Dunkin Donuts and make my way to my secong casting of the day. The casting is at South Street right next to the Brooklyn Bridge. The casting with Daniel Kim goes well. He gets me to walk for him and lets me know that I slouch to much when I walk and to be very conscious of keeping my head up and spine straight. On my way leaving Daniel Kim's I decide to take a couple of photos of the lobby. While i'm adjusting the camera settings a model that had walked into Daniel Kims during my casting is walking down the stairs, she asks for directions to the subway and I give her some help, she introduces herself. Her name is Carina Dietz and she is a model from Sri Lanka. After I finish helping her find her way I take a walk along the South Street bike path and shoot the bridge. I love the Brooklyn Bridge, such a stong beautiful structure. After i'm done shooting  for an hour or so, I decide to try to find a place with wi-fi in hopes of buying an alarm clock. Im walking down a beautiful cobblestone street shooting photos of the skyscrapers when I see a woman handing out free Iced-tea samples outside a modern looking coffee shop. I ask if they have wi-fi and it turns out they did. I decided to go in and try out their Iced Chai tea latte.  

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I then try to find somewhere where I can purchase an alarm clock. I try a random store across the street from the coffe shop but all they have is a kids donald duck ringing alarm clock. I was not down. I decided to take the 2 at the South street station and then the 1 from Times Square to get back to Joe's apartment. It was 3:30 and I remembered Joe was having a futton delivered at 4. I rush back to his place by 4:10 and we ended up waiting until 5 for the futton. We smoked half a joint while waiting, right as we finished our smokes after blazing, the guy for the futton buzzed. So we went downstairs and brought the box upstairs. Took the futton out of a shitload of packaging and placed it in the living room. I now have a futton to sleep on, makes things sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better at night. I then decided to run off to Dwayne Reid in hopes of finding an alarm clock, after searching both floors of the drug store I was unable to find an alarm clock. I then asked a woman where I could get one and she directs me to 72nd street. I get my alarm clock for 20$ and head back to the apartment. After openeing the door I see a note on the table.

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Joe had left me a roach and a half joint for the weekend! What a dope roommate! I was pretty stoked so I map'sed a smoke shop where I could pick up a little pipe for blazing the amount of bud he left me. I sure as hell wasn't going to smoke them in the papers. Would just be a waste. Anyways. I go to a small smoke shop down on 71st street and Columbus. I get to the door and I see a "back in 3 mins sign" I wait till the guys back then buy the most over-priced glass one hooter i've ever gotten in my life. Even though it was only 10$ it was still 5 or so to many. I did'nt really care though, I was just happy i'd get to blaze tonight. Sleeping has been pretty difficult for me, but now with a one hoot and a futton, i'll be as comfy as a king. I then get back to the apartment, help myself to some leftover pasta. Make a mixed Ice-tea and grey goose drink. Enjoy my dinner, smoke all the weed in one hoots, enjoy another mixed drink, then stay up to 6am watching, Anger Management, Wilfred, and CSI:NY. Wasn't the smartest decision. Also considering I had made a promise to myself to get to bed earlier, earlier that day. But hey, i'm only human.   

 
 
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I awake at 11:45 after staying up untill 5am watching breaking bad. Probably the stupidest decision I've mad in my life. I had a go-see 45 minuites before I woke up with Pansella and Son and another in 15 miuites that I was doomed to miss. I once again kicked my shit in gear, took a 5 minuite shower and raced out the door to get to my go see with COACD Casting Agency where I met with Kathy Lo, she was a really chill asian chick, she took a couple of digitals and said were good. From there I had a couple of hours to kill so I decided to go back to Model Management to do some digitals for their website. I then headed to Daniel Peddle Casting Agency for another go-see, which went well, then headed to 12 Mercer street for a creative shoot. The shoot went well, we walked around downtown shooting some street shots. After that I tried to find my way back to Joe's, I got pretty lost and had to use maps. I stopped at 75th and Amsterdam to get some takeout from "The Hummous Place" for dinner and walked back to Joes. We then hung out for a couple hours watching TV, smoked a joint, I ran to the drug store to pick us up some smokes, then watched more TV. All in all it was a good day.

 
 
Its 7:37pm, I'm watching CSI, really baked. I never thought this would happen when I was in New York. I expected this to be a very weedless journey, but I had been mistaken. Today was a good day. It began very franticaly after a very sleepless night. I was unable to get proper sleep due to the air-conditioner turning on and off repeatedly. Texted with chels around 5 am, then tried to pretend sleep around 6 when Joe got up, to avoid any problems. He hit one button, and turned off the air-conditioner. If I only would have known I could save my night of sleep. I ended up pretend sleeping too well and fell asleep with my alarm turned off with my meeting at with the New York agency in 5 hours. 

I awake at at 8:50 in kind of a blur, but the second I realize I have an hour and ten minuites to get to the agency I kick my ass into gear, get ready and headed out the door.  I go to 72nd Street station and take the B line, I can't see any signs at the first stop so I ask a random woman beside me if this is Broadway and Lafayette, the stop I had to get off at, she replies "Yeah,  I think so", so I jumped off the train. I quickly realize it wasn't my stop, I was at 42nd, another 7 stops from Broadway and Lafayette. I wait for the next train and make my way to New York Model Management, I arrive and meet everyone on the team and have a conversation with Christophe regarding calling the agency if anyone tries to get me to do any things out of my comfort zone, he also explains to me the importance of contact the agency directly after I receive my schedule at 5. They also tell me my hair is to shaggy and send me to Isacs barber shop about a 20 minuite walk away. I stop at subway for lunch and head to Isacs. I arrive at a very classic barber shop you'd see in any american movie from the 70's. I got my hair cut by Isac and I noticed on his mantle he had a framed page from a magazine. It was an interview and the first question was: where do you get your haircut? He responded, "A couple of years ago I was walking down the street and decided to go with a random haircut, Isacs been cutting my hair ever since". It was pretty cool to see just how small of a world this really is. I then made my way back to the agency to get my book, and headed back for Joes. I hopped on the West 4th Street station and headed off.
I got changed at Joes and headed for TD to set up my american bank account, as well as stopping at Blades to get a new skateboard. I then head to Freddies Pizza and have two of the most amazing slices iv'e ever tasted.
After Freddies I headed back to the apartment, Smoked a couple joints with Joe, and have been watching random shows on demand since, while smoking cigarettes in the apartment. New York is great so far, I have a very busy day ahead of myself tommorow and should be getting to bed, goodbye for now weebly. We will meet again tommorow.
 

    Justin Sterling

    A 18 year old artist working as a model in New York City. My thoughts and events throughout my everyday life.

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    August 2012